A man has been branded an "a******" after sharing online that he complained to his wife's boss, behind her back, about her excessive workload.
The man took to Reddit's virtual moral compass—more commonly known as the 'Am I The A******' subreddit—to air his relationship grievances.
His controversial actions garnered 2,800 comments from intrigued users who came to the verdict that the original poster, u/Sporkwind, is in fact the "a******" in this situation.
"My wife has been putting in 10-14 hour days chained to her computer for the past 2-3 weeks through weekends as well," the post began.
"She's been screaming obscenities about her job, how she wants to quit, how it's ridiculous she's working so hard without any break. There have been multiple tear-filled days," the Reddit post continued.
The post went on to reveal that the user had texted his wife's boss without her consent or awareness.
"I have been walking on egg shells doing everything I can to help around the house and get her anything she wants. I texted her boss and said 1) there are limits for human beings, 2) this kind of thing can't happen again next year. He agreed and said he'd try to help," the poster wrote, clarifying that the couple worked at the same company.
The user then shared that his wife had found out what he had done and that she had expressed to him that a serious boundary had been crossed. Their relationship appears to be on thin ice.
The post said: "So, she found out I'd messaged him ASAP. Now she's telling me it was extremely misogynistic to message her boss to say she can't handle her job (which I didn't say) and it's going to set her career back years. Says she can't ever trust me anymore to talk about work or how she's feeling."
Marina Shepelsky, the founding attorney at New York-based Shepelsky Law Group, told Newsweek: "When a husband goes behind the wife's back to speak to her boss about anything, it's definitely signs of abuse and inappropriate control."
After thousands of Reddit users had their say on the situation, the original poster responded to the verdict that he "may be the a****** because it might have hurt [his wife's] career."
How To Spot Controlling Behavior?
According to the mental health resource site PsychCentral, while there are degrees of control and patterns and escalations in behavior, being overprotective or decision-making for your other half could be early warning signs that your relationship may be a controlling one.
"Contacting the wife's boss without the wife's knowledge makes the wife look like a child, without the capacity to make her own important decisions. In tandem, it makes her look bad and unprofessional in a work context. This behavior crosses boundaries and is toxic and coercive," Shepelsky said.
"This is manipulation, this is gaslighting and abusive," she added.
Shepelsky went on to tell Newsweek that the husband's behavior demonstrates that he has little respect or consideration for his wife's judgments and that he does not allow her to make independent decisions on critical issues.
Shepelsky told Newsweek: "The wife is an adult and a professional with experience and education obtained by her personally. The husband had nothing to do with the wife's background. He, therefore, has no say in her professional decisions. There is no situation where this type of behavior is appropriate for the husband. Where the wife is in good health and conscious, the husband has no right to contact her employer."
The attorney added that legally, the husband contacting his wife's boss without her prior consent is classed as harassment and could be grounds for a domestic violence-related order of protection.
Commenters under the Reddit post held similar sentiments towards the original poster's actions.
"What you did is essentially tell her boss that she cannot handle the workload and it's not your place to do that even a little bit. If her anger and stress at home is an issue for you, that is something you both need to communicate about with each other," one Reddit user commented.
Another Reddit user added: "Let's be honest; he might have single-handedly tanked her career at this office."
A third commenter deemed the husband's actions to be layered in "misogyny."
Newsweek reached out to @Sporkwind for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
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